I have been thinking on this subject for some time and I will be up-front, I'm not sure how this will come out. I might pull it off gracefully but, I doubt it. It might just sound bad and be offensive to some people. Let me know if it does! I like a good dialog.
With our new "take back the fun" this year we have been out and about more. We have hit up the parks, mall, zoo, and I have observed this in just our normal outings (school, church, docs). What have I been observing? Mom's with little boys. Obviously, I know nothing about raising little women, not a clue. Actually, I am so in "boy culture" all the time that when a little girl is around I feel tongue tied almost. I am just not sure how to talk to that breed of child and they are a different breed for sure! But boys, I know something about them, I know how to talk the lingo and I am getting kind of fed up watching mom's with their boys. And this is why...
What happened to letting boys be boys?
I am all about individuality and finding your kids individual needs and also understand their individual personality. There is no pat answer for parenting because we are all individual and you can't parent different kids the same. You just can't. I am also not talking about trying to raising stereotypical boys. The man I married is masculine but not stereotypical. He is not the kind of guy to sit around with a beer and watch sports. He is the kind of guy to take his camera and hang off a building in the ghetto with pit-bulls chasing you down trying to get a good shot. To each his own!
Back to boys being boys. Here is something I have learned about my boys:
They love danger
They love a fight
They love to win
They love to be loud
They love to take a chance
They love to be protectors
That is a small list of things I have observed in my short seven years of being a mother to boys, our future men and leaders. And I am noticing an unsettling trend in observing mom's with their boys.
Danger is not allowed - you might get hurt
We shouldn't fight - we need to talk about it
Winning doesn't matter - lets not even keep score
Shhh! Keep your voice down
Think about every move before you make it
We can take care of ourselves
Now, all these things in and of themselves have a place, obviously. What I don't like is that we are taking away the true nature, the true needs of our boys to just be boys. I feel these traits (in particular) are building blocks to make them into good men. They need to learn how to take a risk and be dangerous so in the future when a hard decision comes they won't be afraid of it. They will be able to face the challenge head on and hopefully succeed but if they don't succeed they will know how to lose and be ok with it. They need to know how to be loud if they are ever going to be heard in this world. This I believe is true for all children. This is something I am just now learning myself. When you have to fight down a Specialist to get the best care for your child or a school director to get the best education for your child you need to know how to use that voice. Let them learn to use their voice. And one of the most amazing things I have watched in all three of the oldest boys is how fiercely protective they are of each other and me. It is beautiful. It is a primal instinct to them to protect and to protect the "weaker" of the tribe. I'm a grown women who is very capable of handling a lot of different situations but there is something beautiful in taking a backseat and letting them take the lead and protect. Of course I don't take a back seat with my sons but letting them do little things like, open doors, carry things etc. makes them feel special, big, and strong. It is good for them. And watching how they each take care of the ones younger then themselves is precious. They just know to do it and they are good at it. And it is completely different from how a girl would protect or care for the younger. I'm talking about Skyler jumping in front of Gideon before Nevin almost (on accident) swipes him with his lightsaber. Or Nevin helping Gavyn out of his chair after meals but throwing him on the couch not placing him on the ground. Or Gavyn shoving the binki in Gideon's mouth to quiet him down or tossing the toy half way across the room and just missing his face. It's different but it's awesome and it is all boy. Yes, they are loud, they are wild, they are dangerous, they are boys. And I want to let them be boys. I want to see them grow up to be strong, risk taking, dangerous leaders of our culture.
And that's it.
I agree. That's how my brothers and I were growing up, and it taught us a lot about standing up for ourselves but also protecting each other. My older brother has always protected me and that's what makes him a good husband to his wife and will make him a great dad.
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