Little Men

I have been thinking on this subject for some time and I will be up-front, I'm not sure how this will come out. I might pull it off gracefully but, I doubt it. It might just sound bad and be offensive to some people. Let me know if it does! I like a good dialog.

With our new "take back the fun" this year we have been out and about more. We have hit up the parks, mall, zoo, and I have observed this in just our normal outings (school, church, docs). What have I been observing? Mom's with little boys. Obviously, I know nothing about raising little women, not a clue. Actually, I am so in "boy culture" all the time that when a little girl is around I feel tongue tied almost. I am just not sure how to talk to that breed of child and they are a different breed for sure! But boys, I know something about them, I know how to talk the lingo and I am getting kind of fed up watching mom's with their boys. And this is why...

What happened to letting boys be boys?

I am all about individuality and finding your kids individual needs and also understand their individual personality. There is no pat answer for parenting because we are all individual and you can't parent different kids the same. You just can't. I am also not talking about trying to raising stereotypical boys. The man I married is masculine but not stereotypical. He is not the kind of guy to sit around with a beer and watch sports. He is the kind of guy to take his camera and hang off a building in the ghetto with pit-bulls chasing you down trying to get a good shot. To each his own!

Back to boys being boys. Here is something I have learned about my boys:
They love danger
They love a fight
They love to win
They love to be loud
They love to take a chance
They love to be protectors

That is a small list of things I have observed in my short seven years of being a mother to boys, our future men and leaders. And I am noticing an unsettling trend in observing mom's with their boys.
Danger is not allowed - you might get hurt
We shouldn't fight - we need to talk about it
Winning doesn't matter - lets not even keep score
Shhh! Keep your voice down
Think about every move before you make it
We can take care of ourselves

Now, all these things in and of themselves have a place, obviously. What I don't like is that we are taking away the true nature, the true needs of our boys to just be boys. I feel these traits (in particular) are building blocks to make them into good men. They need to learn how to take a risk and be dangerous so in the future when a hard decision comes they won't be afraid of it. They will be able to face the challenge head on and hopefully succeed but if they don't succeed they will know how to lose and be ok with it. They need to know how to be loud if they are ever going to be heard in this world. This I believe is true for all children. This is something I am just now learning myself. When you have to fight down a Specialist to get the best care for your child or a school director to get the best education for your child you need to know how to use that voice. Let them learn to use their voice. And one of the most amazing things I have watched in all three of the oldest boys is how fiercely protective they are of each other and me. It is beautiful. It is a primal instinct to them to protect and to protect the "weaker" of the tribe. I'm a grown women who is very capable of handling a lot of different situations but there is something beautiful in taking a backseat and letting them take the lead and protect. Of course I don't take a back seat with my sons but letting them do little things like, open doors, carry things etc. makes them feel special, big, and strong. It is good for them. And watching how they each take care of the ones younger then themselves is precious. They just know to do it and they are good at it. And it is completely different from how a girl would protect or care for the younger. I'm talking about Skyler jumping in front of Gideon before Nevin almost (on accident) swipes him with his lightsaber. Or Nevin helping Gavyn out of his chair after meals but throwing him on the couch not placing him on the ground. Or Gavyn shoving the binki in Gideon's mouth to quiet him down or tossing the toy half way across the room and just missing his face. It's different but it's awesome and it is all boy. Yes, they are loud, they are wild, they are dangerous, they are boys. And I want to let them be boys. I want to see them grow up to be strong, risk taking, dangerous leaders of our culture.

And that's it.

So Much Energy

I already mentioned that back in December we joined the YMCA and now I am totally addicted it to. At the beginning of the month I was trying to come up with a plan to actually use the membership, it is not cheap even with the discount and I want to get all the ban for my buck that I can. My first thought was after Skyler got off to school I would pack up the other three, drive over there, drop them in childcare and workout for an hour. I think every other mom is South St. Louis had the exact same idea as me. I know it's January and E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E and their mom are at the gym but seriously, I could not even park, it was nuts. That morning I called a friend, met at McDonald's and let the kids play in the play area (no, I did not eat there). Epic fail. I also realized doing all that with three kids under the age of 5 on my own was not going to happen consistently, I needed a new plan. I pulled out my welcome packet and started looking at the classes. I had forgotten that there were tons of classes offered that happened to be free for members. Key word, free. I love a good deal and since I am already paying to go there I shouldn't have to pay extra for anything else, in my mind. I have been doing some aerobics kick boxing on a DVD at home and with my CG girls once a week. It just so happened there was a kick boxing class on Tue and Thur mornings, early, really early, 5:15 am early. OK, I told myself, I worked at Starbucks for a bagillion years and got up at 4:30 and I could do it again. I signed up. My friend joined the Y and signed up too. We were committed. I mean, when there is a class with an instructor and a friend all expecting you to get your butt up and show up you are gonna be there. At least I will be. I don't like to be a disappointment and that is highly motivating for me. We have been doing it since the second week of Jan. and we love it. Not only do I love the class and instructor, I get to see my friend and chat (motivation), and when I get home the house is quiet. Can I get an Amen from my mom friends out there? A quiet house? Does this seriously exists?! I have spent my married life with kids like this:
Get out of bed when the kids get you up
Grumble, grumble, make coffee
Rush around
Off to school
Disorganized mess trying to get things done
Picking kids up from school
Frantic making dinner
Baths, bed, chaos, exhaustion
Crash for 3 hours a night watching TV 
Go to bed way too late
Repeat
It wasn't working and after years of doing it it was really starting to get to me. I kept making excuses about it though. But finally this year I am doing something about it. Before Skyler was born and after he was born I was an active person. I never exercised on a regular bases but I was always doing stuff. Walking, biking, playing tennis some, my job always had me on my feet. After Nevin I was still active but it was a little harder with two. When I was pregnant with Gavyn I was determined to not gain a lot of baby weight and lose it all plus the extra 15lbs I had kept from the last two pregnancies. After he was born and got so sick I did drop all the baby weight from him because I barely ate while he was in the hospital (not healthy). When he came home I fell into deep depression and not only gained the baby weight back but plus some. I was the heaviest I had ever been and really unhappy. It wasn't until right before I got pregnant with Gideon that I had excepted my body for who I was and knew I needed to change but in a healthy way. Then I got pregnant. Yay! haha... I was really good though and only gained 20lbs with him and lost all of it before my 6 week check up with my doc. I was on a mission. I asked a friend who is a super inspiration (she has lost well over 100lbs on her own) about calorie counting and nursing and how that all worked. I had my mom ask her personal trainer about exercise after a baby and "baby belly". We started walking, I started counting calories, I slowly added in the kick boxing and I have lost another 20+ plus pounds. I stalled out over the last few months and that was another push to get the Y membership. I knew I needed to step it up a notch. And now here I am, a few weeks into it, a few pounds lighter and my life is suddenly not feeling so crazy. I am surprised to hear myself say it but, I love getting up early to a quiet house, thrown on some clothes, drive to the gym - alone, workout, come home and it is still quiet. I am getting dressed and showered, reading my Bible and praying, drinking my coffee all before everyone is up and bustling. I have my command center that is helping keep me super organized. Once a week I fill out the menu, the cleaning, the to-do list and all I have to do is check it every morning. I am totally staying on task. It has freed me up to do so much more with my day. The only sacrifice is going to bed early, but even that doesn't feel like a sacrifice. I knew I needed to stop watching so much TV as it was and now I'm almost forced to. It's the new me and I love it. 

Spring Time

What's the deal with St. Louis weather this year and last year? December never felt like Christmas time because one day it was 30 and the next 70 degrees outside. Now it's the end of January and almost 70 outside again. Yet, yesterday it was freezing rain all day. What the what? The nice thing is the kids have been outside a lot and are making friends with the neighbor kids that we didn't see all Summer because it was over 100 almost every day. I also am doing a lot of Spring cleaning before Spring. Go figure.

Other than the weird weather I am insanely addicted to going to the YMCA right now. We got a discounted membership in December but promptly got sick and didn't get to use it. My friend joined as well and we are on a mission to loose some pounds this year. We joined a kick boxing class twice a week for seven weeks that meets at 5:15 am. At first I was unsure about it but now I am addicted! I kind of want to pick a fight with someone so I can try out my moves! We also started meeting on Monday mornings to swim and man, those old people that swim every morning can kick my butt. I chatted up an 81 year old man this morning that swims over 36 laps a day. I was happy to swim 7 in 30 minutes this morning. It's the year of being Fit and Active and getting skinny.

Well, Monopoly boy is gonna go nuts if I don't get off here and go play a game.

Skyler

Seriously, when did my boy get so big?! Not only is he slowly creeping up on me with his height he's turning into a young man. I'm not ready for it but I'm excited for it. He is such a great kid, I know I'm partial but seriously, he is a great kid. About a month ago he started playing Junior Monopoly at my mom's house with PaPa and Grandma and about two weeks ago I got to play him. I laughed and told my mom we needed to pull out regular Monopoly for him because the Jr. was too easy. She thought I was crazy. Later that week we pulled it out. I think we have played Monopoly every day for the last week when he gets home from school. This kid is smart. It took him no time at all to figure out how to trade property and buy hotels. He even has strategy down! The first two times I played I sort of went easy on him but not anymore. Geez, that kid will take you down. Can we say competitive spirit? I have no idea where he gets it from ;-)  These are the memories I cherish and I am so glad I can stay home and play board games in the middle of the week in the middle of the day with my 6-year-old and not worry about cleaning the house but focus on him and loving him and building his character. Blessed.

Thoughts from the week

Just a few thoughts from this week...

I love the women in my life. I have a fabulous mom who helps me at the drop of a hat with anything. Picking kids up from school, helping with doctor and therapy appointments, taking us out for milkshakes. She is awesome. I also have 5 awesome ladies that I get to spend two different Bible studies with. It has been so great to open God's word with them, process through things, cry over things and do a ton of laughing together. I have gone many times in my life without strong women and I'm glad to finally be back at a place with lots of them!

I am thankful for great doctors. We have had our share of bad doctors and bad experiences with doctors but right now we have some great ones.

I'm really frustrated with the boys new insurance. Seriously. When we changed I told them who our PCP was and his name should be on their card. Received welcome packets for everyone but Nevin and all of them had a different doctors name on it and they weren't even doctors at our pediatricians practice. Really? Called, fixed the problem, waited 3 weeks (of course during the holidays) and never received new cards. Called again and got miss snotty pants on the phone. We were supposed to get new cards this week - got one for Nevin (yay!) and Skyler with the correct info.Perfect. None of Gav or Gid though. Arg! Now today finally got cards for everyone but Gid with the wrong info again. ?!?!? Called, fixed it, now we wait another week. Not sure what is wrong with those people.

Anxious to see if I can actually make the early morning kick boxing class at the Y on Tuesday.

Really not enjoying the lack of sleep going on with my baby. Really not enjoying the unsuccessful "crying it out" we are having. Foreseeing a long night of cuddling and nursing tonight because I like sleep and will do whatever to get it at night. Judge me, go ahead.....

Excited tomorrow is Saturday and we have family time and church planned. 

Command Center

Our life is a little crazy. I have gotten used to it but I am still scatter brained at times. I have had people (therapists, advocates, insurance) show up at my house in the a.m. that I forgot were coming and I am in my jammies un-showered. Thankfully, I am not a vain person and life goes on, even with unbrushed teeth during an hour of PT at 9am. But I have wanted to get an area in the house that I can post things to help me stay better organized. I am a very visual person and having a check list in front of me helps a lot. I don't get overwhelmed as easy and I love to mark things off after I get them accomplished! I have also had a system for bills with two little 31 Bags but the bags fall over and it ends up being a mess. I wanted to remedy that as well. I've been looking on Pinterest for ideas and found a lot of inspiration. Also, my sister in law did this super cute To Do list with just a frame, lined paper and dry erase marker. I wanted to do the same but needed a little more than one list. I ended up with:
A Menu list, complete with clips to hang up recipes or perhaps a list?
A Cleaning list - this is for my big cleaning projects I would like to do each week (i.e. change sheets, clean the bathroom)
A In box and Out box with clips for bills
A To Do list, this is for any other errands, projects, homework that need to get done.
I also hung up a huge cork board for whatever.
I bought the black frames, gray frames and clips at the Dollar Store (love that place!). The gold frame, cork board, paper and stickers I already had - Perfect! So, the whole thing only cost me $6 to make which was really awesome. Here are the pictures of before and after, enjoy!

New Start

I have fallen hopelessly behind with blogging this past year. I feel recharged with the start of a new month and year though! I am hoping to blog more on this blog as well as my other blog about Gavyn (www.processinggavyn.blogspot.com).

The last six months have offered up some big changes for our family and I am so excited to see what this year holds. In late Summer Ryan got a freelance job with a friend of his cousins, he was a very successful real estate agent starting a new company coaching other agents. After a string of freelance work Brian asked Ryan to go part time working for him. It was perfect timing, an answer to prayer, and completely unexpected. Don't you love that sort of thing? After only a few months working part time they had a meeting and realized that Ryan's position needed to move to a full time job. Woah! Again, totally unexpected but, so very hoped for. Technically Ryan is a full time contracted worker at this point. It seems like an exciting position for him, he is learning a lot of new skills, there is potential for growth and the best part, it is still graphic design. It is much needed security for our family and is really letting me take a deep breath and focus my energy on other things, not bills and when to pay what (the challenges of inconsistent pay periods)!

Skyler is a big First Grader this year at SCCS and has an awesome new teacher, Ms.Katelyn. She is young, energetic, full of enthusiasm and LOVES these kiddos. It has been a lot of fun to converse with her over the year about Skyler and school in general. He has been on some awesome enrichment trips already, he saw the George Washington exhibit at the History Museum and also saw The St. Louis Ballet perform 'The Nutcracker'. His favorite subject is Math, of course! And his reading is taking off like gangbusters. I have been excited to see his interests transition away from video games and more onto Legos and playing board games with Grandma and PaPa.

Nevin is in his second year of preschool and is going to be 5 in a few short weeks! Where did that time go? I still can not believe he will be going to kindergarten and riding a bus before I know it. I have been working closely with his teacher and therapists at school to come up with a really awesome plan to help him succeed and get ready for that transition. His new teacher, Ms.Pam has been really awesome and I am so happy for the switch, even after all my anxiety over it. God always has a bigger plan than I do.

Gavyn is getting ready to start his first year of preschool. I know, he's a baby! But somewhere in there he started to grow up a little and is actually ready for school. I am more excited for him to start than I was for Nevin and I think that's a good sign. It's good that I think he will like it, good that I think he will make friends and really good that we are in a school district that I feel comfortable sending my little three year old off to. He will always be our miracle baby and always surprise us with his determination and way of beating all odds.

Gideon is a little ball of baby energy and keeps me hopping. He is very aware of being the fourth child and knows how to get attention and keep-up already. I swear that kid will be walking before he's one. It is a joy to watch his big brothers interact with him, playing, caring, and just loving him to bits. He is my precious little surprise gift that God really knew what he was doing when he sent him to us. I'm gonna need that little boys joy in my life.

And me... I've been crazy like a chicken with its head cut off. Trying to keep up with two schools, therapists out the wazzo, a new baby, a marriage (!), Community Group, church, extended family and the few friends I manage to keep up with, my plate is full. Beyond full. Which brings me back to wanting to blog, to find a space for me, to get my thoughts down. If for nothing else in years gone by we can come back and read about the good memories I capture on here. A place for me to let out my thoughts, bad grammar and spelling mistakes included. And so I don't forget, my high for the day was when Ryan was reading the boys books (a Cars book) and came to the last page and said, "What is it?" Gavyn exclaimed, out of no where and it had nothing to do with the book, "A DRAGON!"