I have been wanting to write this blog for awhile but I can't seem to get it to come out the right way. It just sounds like bitching and moaning and that is not what I intended. I wanted to write something about how we all have dreams and plans but they can be derailed when real life comes knocking. Then you have to find a way around the hard things to find the good things and bring in those dreams you always had. I have been struggling with how I pictured my life, myself and who I really am right now and what is going on in my life. Here was how I pictured my life before marriage:
Marry young. Start out small in an apartment and work/grow together for a couple years. Have a baby. Buy a starter house. Be able to stay home with baby. Take vacations. Have baby #2 a couple years later, Get a dog. Buy a bigger house. Homeschool my kids. Do crafts. Bake all the time. Eat healthy homemade organic food. Have baby #3 in a couple years. Go for long walks. Teach the kids to ride bikes in our quiet neighborhood. Have good friends with full friendships. Good church life. See extended family a lot. Keep having kids. Keep being creative and have a spotless house.
It sounds so silly. It sounds too perfect. It sounds out of reach. I still want that life though.
I did marry young. I was pregnant when we married. That wasn't why we got married but that was the reality of it. My hubby lost his job 2 weeks into the marriage. We were only alone for 6 months before baby arrived. Sometimes I felt like we barely knew each other and now we had to figure out how to be married and be parents at the same time. It was hard. We lived with my parents for 18 months because neither of us had jobs. We finally got on our feet and had baby 2. We got a dog. We bought a house. We had baby 3 who spent a lot of time in the hospital and almost did not come home alive. Our world turned into doctors and therapist for the two younger kids. We put Skyler in school. We put Nevin in public school (something I said I would never ever do). We bought a bigger house with inheritance money. Surprise baby 4 is on the way. We find out his kidneys might not be ok. Find out they will probably be ok after all. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with therapy. I don't worry about Gav. I think Nevin may never move out. I hate cleaning. My house is not decorated. I have not taken a photo in years that was not a snap shot. My albums are years behind. I don't do crafts with my kids. I live in my mini van. I try to work side jobs to make money. I am tired from being pregnant. I have no clue how we will feed another mouth. I still dream of having more kids though. Although some days I cry because I don't know what I am doing with the 3 I have and why is God giving me 4? We do take walks in our quiet neighborhood. The kids are learning how to ride bikes and scooters. We have amazing family. We have good friendships. Church is not perfect but really good. My faith is stronger than I could have ever pictured. The schools my kids go to are amazing and give them way more than I could at home. Our therapists are family and a joy to me.
My life is not what I pictured. It is better than I thought it could be though. It is so hard but so rewarding. My kids aren't vanilla they are rocky road and it's ok. We don't really do playdates because it over stimulates my kids and they break down. We do have people over for dinner though. We do the best we can with what we have. I am determined to get a few of those images of perfect life into my normal life this year though. I don't know how but I will be more creative, we will have more fun, we will have less stress. Somehow.... In some way.... If mom doesn't do it, who will?
Friday, January 27, 2012
Monday, August 22, 2011
School
Last Wednesday was Nevin's first day of school! I can not believe how fast time has gone and my little man is in school. The worst part of last Wednesday was that I got sick and couldn't even take him to school on his first day. Thankfully my mom is off on Wednesdays and was able to take him because Ryan is not home on Wednesdays. He cried a little but once she was gone they said he did great. Thursday I was able to take him and he just waved goodbye like a big boy. I choked up but did not cry and that sort of shocked me! I think I realized he is going to do really well and have fun. Today starts the first day of a long week. He even took a nap when he got home today. I think all the new changes and a busy weekend caught up to him. When his teacher brought him out she told me the one thing every parent wants to hear, 'He is really smart and going to fly through the school year.' Awesome! His speech path. has been telling me for months how smart he is and it kills her that he can not express more. Hopefully we will get his AAC board really going and he will be able to communicate even more with us!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Too Long Old Friend
As you can see my blogging as fallen by the wayside with 3 kiddos, a move, therapy out the wazoo and just good old fashioned LIFE! But that also means this is in dire need of an update. :)
Ryan and I ~
Well, we bought a new house (with gracious help from my parents) and moved June 1st. It was a roller coaster of decisions but perfectly planned by God. At first we thought we would like to stay in the city but it was clear after weeks of looking that was not God's plan. We took a break, got a new realtor and changed gears to the county. It took a little time but not much to find an awesome house in Affton that is extremely close to my family and closer to Ryan's family as well. We were able to get the house for an amazing price after some tough negotiations but we really had peace through the whole process. Everything on our house list was answered with a 'Yes' in this home. It was really neat to see God just work it all out and continue to work in Ryan's business and my Pampered Chef business to provide for us.
Skyler ~
He has been my big helper this Summer with the move and being a great big brother. It is neat to see the different personalities in all 3 boys and how their 'ranking' plays into it. Skyler is very protective of his younger brothers, likes to take them around, show them off almost and keep an eye on them. If he wants to wrestle with them or pick on them it should be no big deal but the Lord help the other child whole steals a toy from them because they band together and attack in protection of the other brother! He loves to help get things for Gavyn or teach Nevin knew things (like potty training!) or help me doing chores around the house. Some days I don't know what I would do without him. In a few weeks he starts kindergarten at SCCS. He is so excited about his new school and learning to read and more about numbers. I really think he is going to take off and have a blast at school. I just started reading 'The Chronicles of Narnia' to him and his eyes just lit up with excitement over this new world I opened to him. He is a great kid.
Nevin ~
My little man is making HUGE progress from a year ago! He graduated from First Steps when he turned 3 in February and we started to go with the city schools for therapy and preschool but that was a bad situation. We ended up never enrolling him in school and found other options. He has been going to this amazing therapy place called PS Kids since the end of February beginning of March. The things he has learned and the care we have gotten from them is phenomenal, I can not say enough. He gets OT for an hour a week, PT for an hour a week and over the Summer he got 2 hours of Speech. He has made great strides in OT with learning to get clothes on and off better, hold a crayon the right way, cut with scissors, strengthen his overall upper body and take direction while sitting at the table a lot better. PT has been amazing! He is climbing better on ladders (like play equipment), going up and down stairs with just holding onto the railing (he had been going up and down on his belly before), running and the biggest goal just this week, JUMPING! It was so great when his PT teacher brought him out to the waiting room on Tuesday with a huge smile on her face and said, "Nevin, show your mom what you can do!" and he JUMPED! The entire waiting room clapped and cheered. Everyone there knows and understands, they just get it even if they don't know you. Speech has been making some big strides as well although it is much slower than the other areas. We are working on doing an AAC board with him right now so he can tell us what he wants through the computer since his language is so delayed. He is at about an 18 month level and yes, that is progress for us. A year ago he could make the /m/ sound and say 'mom' now he can say:
Mom
Lightening
Baby
DaDa (NaNa)
Binki
Dog Dog
Skyler (Iler)
Shane
Matt
Mater
Moon
More
Yes
No
These are approximations, if he said these to you you may not have any idea but I do! He can make the /b/ sound, /p/ sound, the vowel sounds. He can pick out the right verbs and nouns from pictures. There are so many things with speech that have progressed but it is very slow. He starts preschool at Affton SSDEC in a couple weeks and will be getting Speech and Language, OT and PT and we will keep going to PS Kids as well. Keep praying for him, he is a little fighter.
Gavyn ~
My miracle baby continues to be a miracle. We have conquered a big fear and defied odds when he became mobile! We have an army crawling baby on our hands and it is amazing to me each and every time he gets going. We never knew if he would sit up, if he would eat OK, if he would roll over much less be mobile with crawling and one day walking. He is not really pulling up yet, he can do it about half way so we are very hopeful that he will but only time will tell. He is getting better at holding his weight when you stand him up and he likes it now. Anything new is scary to him and he fights it. The biggest battle is showing him he can do these things and they don't hurt. Once the mental part clicks for him he seems to take off. He is still very much a baby and I am OK with that most days. Some days I do cry and mourn for the normal 17 month things we are completely missing out on but I have to pull myself up by my bootlaces and remind myself there was a day I thought I would not bring him home. We have to keep moving forward and not feel sorry for ourselves! We are so blessed and he is so amazing. Gavyn is still in the First Steps program and does PT once a week, OT twice a month and we are starting speech with him in a week.
I know a lot of you still pray for my boys and thank you, I feel your prayers and I see the answers daily. Last Tuesday morning I was having a really hard time and I prayed for a miracle and that was the day Nevin jumped. God hears us and answers us.
Love to all!
Ryan and I ~
Well, we bought a new house (with gracious help from my parents) and moved June 1st. It was a roller coaster of decisions but perfectly planned by God. At first we thought we would like to stay in the city but it was clear after weeks of looking that was not God's plan. We took a break, got a new realtor and changed gears to the county. It took a little time but not much to find an awesome house in Affton that is extremely close to my family and closer to Ryan's family as well. We were able to get the house for an amazing price after some tough negotiations but we really had peace through the whole process. Everything on our house list was answered with a 'Yes' in this home. It was really neat to see God just work it all out and continue to work in Ryan's business and my Pampered Chef business to provide for us.
Skyler ~
He has been my big helper this Summer with the move and being a great big brother. It is neat to see the different personalities in all 3 boys and how their 'ranking' plays into it. Skyler is very protective of his younger brothers, likes to take them around, show them off almost and keep an eye on them. If he wants to wrestle with them or pick on them it should be no big deal but the Lord help the other child whole steals a toy from them because they band together and attack in protection of the other brother! He loves to help get things for Gavyn or teach Nevin knew things (like potty training!) or help me doing chores around the house. Some days I don't know what I would do without him. In a few weeks he starts kindergarten at SCCS. He is so excited about his new school and learning to read and more about numbers. I really think he is going to take off and have a blast at school. I just started reading 'The Chronicles of Narnia' to him and his eyes just lit up with excitement over this new world I opened to him. He is a great kid.
Nevin ~
My little man is making HUGE progress from a year ago! He graduated from First Steps when he turned 3 in February and we started to go with the city schools for therapy and preschool but that was a bad situation. We ended up never enrolling him in school and found other options. He has been going to this amazing therapy place called PS Kids since the end of February beginning of March. The things he has learned and the care we have gotten from them is phenomenal, I can not say enough. He gets OT for an hour a week, PT for an hour a week and over the Summer he got 2 hours of Speech. He has made great strides in OT with learning to get clothes on and off better, hold a crayon the right way, cut with scissors, strengthen his overall upper body and take direction while sitting at the table a lot better. PT has been amazing! He is climbing better on ladders (like play equipment), going up and down stairs with just holding onto the railing (he had been going up and down on his belly before), running and the biggest goal just this week, JUMPING! It was so great when his PT teacher brought him out to the waiting room on Tuesday with a huge smile on her face and said, "Nevin, show your mom what you can do!" and he JUMPED! The entire waiting room clapped and cheered. Everyone there knows and understands, they just get it even if they don't know you. Speech has been making some big strides as well although it is much slower than the other areas. We are working on doing an AAC board with him right now so he can tell us what he wants through the computer since his language is so delayed. He is at about an 18 month level and yes, that is progress for us. A year ago he could make the /m/ sound and say 'mom' now he can say:
Mom
Lightening
Baby
DaDa (NaNa)
Binki
Dog Dog
Skyler (Iler)
Shane
Matt
Mater
Moon
More
Yes
No
These are approximations, if he said these to you you may not have any idea but I do! He can make the /b/ sound, /p/ sound, the vowel sounds. He can pick out the right verbs and nouns from pictures. There are so many things with speech that have progressed but it is very slow. He starts preschool at Affton SSDEC in a couple weeks and will be getting Speech and Language, OT and PT and we will keep going to PS Kids as well. Keep praying for him, he is a little fighter.
Gavyn ~
My miracle baby continues to be a miracle. We have conquered a big fear and defied odds when he became mobile! We have an army crawling baby on our hands and it is amazing to me each and every time he gets going. We never knew if he would sit up, if he would eat OK, if he would roll over much less be mobile with crawling and one day walking. He is not really pulling up yet, he can do it about half way so we are very hopeful that he will but only time will tell. He is getting better at holding his weight when you stand him up and he likes it now. Anything new is scary to him and he fights it. The biggest battle is showing him he can do these things and they don't hurt. Once the mental part clicks for him he seems to take off. He is still very much a baby and I am OK with that most days. Some days I do cry and mourn for the normal 17 month things we are completely missing out on but I have to pull myself up by my bootlaces and remind myself there was a day I thought I would not bring him home. We have to keep moving forward and not feel sorry for ourselves! We are so blessed and he is so amazing. Gavyn is still in the First Steps program and does PT once a week, OT twice a month and we are starting speech with him in a week.
I know a lot of you still pray for my boys and thank you, I feel your prayers and I see the answers daily. Last Tuesday morning I was having a really hard time and I prayed for a miracle and that was the day Nevin jumped. God hears us and answers us.
Love to all!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Shopping Week 3, Oups
I just realized I threw out my shopping receipt before blogging it! I know I spent less than $75 and only hit up Aldi. One night last week we just ate leftovers because there was so much food in the fridge. I saved the Lemon chicken and egg rolls for this week. I can try to recreate the list as best I can and post the Meal Menu.
Dairy:
2 2%Milk
Whole Milk
2 dozen eggs
Sharp cheddar 8 ounce block
Monterey Jack 8 ounce block
32oz. Plain Yogurt
Butter
OJ
Steak fillets
Frozen:
Corn
Raspberries
Ice Cream
Produce:
Carrots
Grapes
Pineapple (0.99!!)
2 Avocados
Tomatoes
Spinach
Misc.:
2 Juice
chips
Paprika
Parsley flakes
Cinnamon
Italian seasoning
Cookies
pudding
jelly
chocolate sauce
tortillas
English muffins
hamburger buns
Menu Plan
1. Lemon Chicken, egg rolls, soy broccoli
2. Peach Glazed beef fillets, carrots and garlic potatoes
3. Skillet Beef tamales, chips and homemade salsa
4. Stuff Grilled Chicken, broccoli and flat bread
5. Citrus Chicken with peppers, rice and salad
6. Fried Fish, grilled veggies and chips
7. Easter food with family :)
Dairy:
2 2%Milk
Whole Milk
2 dozen eggs
Sharp cheddar 8 ounce block
Monterey Jack 8 ounce block
32oz. Plain Yogurt
Butter
OJ
Steak fillets
Frozen:
Corn
Raspberries
Ice Cream
Produce:
Carrots
Grapes
Pineapple (0.99!!)
2 Avocados
Tomatoes
Spinach
Misc.:
2 Juice
chips
Paprika
Parsley flakes
Cinnamon
Italian seasoning
Cookies
pudding
jelly
chocolate sauce
tortillas
English muffins
hamburger buns
Menu Plan
1. Lemon Chicken, egg rolls, soy broccoli
2. Peach Glazed beef fillets, carrots and garlic potatoes
3. Skillet Beef tamales, chips and homemade salsa
4. Stuff Grilled Chicken, broccoli and flat bread
5. Citrus Chicken with peppers, rice and salad
6. Fried Fish, grilled veggies and chips
7. Easter food with family :)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Helmet Safety
On Saturday my mom's old church put on a safety awareness with Childrens Hospital. We were planning on taking all three boys but Skyler came down sick and Gavyn ended up taking a late nap. We took Nevin and he had a blast! Was totally unintimidated by the fire engine, tried out the bounce house, ate a bunch of cookies and got fitted for a helmet that only cost $8! He was so proud of his helmet and did not want to take it off. :) I asked the nurse if there was another way to get my 5-year-old fitted and she told me I could bring him to Childrens and do it at anytime. I had not idea that they offered this service for free and that I could still purchase a helmet for $8 at the hospital. Yesterday mom and I took him over and he too was super proud of his cool helmet. If you are interested in doing this call Childrens and make an appointment, you go to the parking garage (they give you a voucher for free parking as well!), pull into the safety check area and take them into the little office. You can also get your carseat checked there as well.
Shopping List Week 2
Aldi $73.55
Dairy:
2 2% milk
2 whole milk
2 biscuit tubes
Cinnamon rolls
Parmesan cheese shredded
8 oz. Mozzarella cheese
32 oz. Yogurt
Butter
Sour cream
Frozen:
Chicken breasts
2 frozen egg roll packs
Raspberries
Misc.:
Bread crumbs
2 veggie/fruit juice
Olives
Veggie oil
Tomato paste
Honey
Light ranch
Chocolate chips
Brown rice
Cinnamon cereal
Raisin crunch cereal
Fruity cereal
Produce:
Package pears
2 bunches bananas
2 bags sweet potatoes
Carrots
Broccoli
Bag of 3 romaine hearts
Menu Plan:
1. Pull apart pizza with salad and pasta (I use the biscuits for the crust)
2. Grilled chicken penne with mozzarella peacan crusted salad
3. Beef Satay fried rice with flat bread and broccoli
4. Oven fried chicken with carrots and home made steak fries
5. Meatloaf with pasta and carrots
6. Pancakes and fruit
7. Lemon chicken with rice, egg rolls and soy broccoli
Dairy:
2 2% milk
2 whole milk
2 biscuit tubes
Cinnamon rolls
Parmesan cheese shredded
8 oz. Mozzarella cheese
32 oz. Yogurt
Butter
Sour cream
Frozen:
Chicken breasts
2 frozen egg roll packs
Raspberries
Misc.:
Bread crumbs
2 veggie/fruit juice
Olives
Veggie oil
Tomato paste
Honey
Light ranch
Chocolate chips
Brown rice
Cinnamon cereal
Raisin crunch cereal
Fruity cereal
Produce:
Package pears
2 bunches bananas
2 bags sweet potatoes
Carrots
Broccoli
Bag of 3 romaine hearts
Menu Plan:
1. Pull apart pizza with salad and pasta (I use the biscuits for the crust)
2. Grilled chicken penne with mozzarella peacan crusted salad
3. Beef Satay fried rice with flat bread and broccoli
4. Oven fried chicken with carrots and home made steak fries
5. Meatloaf with pasta and carrots
6. Pancakes and fruit
7. Lemon chicken with rice, egg rolls and soy broccoli
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Granola Bar Update
I posted my granola bar recipe awhile ago but since then I have played around with it a lot and tried different things. I still make the original recipe but sometimes I make a healthier version. Here is the original recipe and I will tell you what I have changed up.
2c. Quick Oats
1c. Flour
1/2c. Wheat germ
3/4c. Brown sugar
3/4tsp. Salt
3/4tsp. Cinnamon
1/2c. Vegetable oil
1/2c. Honey
1 Egg
2tsp. Vanilla
1/2c. Applesauce or Peanut butter
1c. Raisins or Chocolate Chips
Preheat oven to 350. Grease 9x13 pan.
Mix together dry ingredients in large bowl.
Add wet ingredients (use 1/2c of veg. oil first, use the same cup for the honey and it will slip right out) mix until moistened.
Pat into pan and bake for 30 minutes.
One thing I always add in now is 1/2 cup of flaxseed. Somedays I take out the vegetable oil and add 1/2 cup of Orange Puree or 1/2 cup of Purple Puree (these recipes are from the 'Sneaky Chef' book). When I take out the veggie oil I also add the applesauce even if I am doing the peanut butter. It keeps them moist and adds a better flavor.
2c. Quick Oats
1c. Flour
1/2c. Wheat germ
3/4c. Brown sugar
3/4tsp. Salt
3/4tsp. Cinnamon
1/2c. Vegetable oil
1/2c. Honey
1 Egg
2tsp. Vanilla
1/2c. Applesauce or Peanut butter
1c. Raisins or Chocolate Chips
Preheat oven to 350. Grease 9x13 pan.
Mix together dry ingredients in large bowl.
Add wet ingredients (use 1/2c of veg. oil first, use the same cup for the honey and it will slip right out) mix until moistened.
Pat into pan and bake for 30 minutes.
One thing I always add in now is 1/2 cup of flaxseed. Somedays I take out the vegetable oil and add 1/2 cup of Orange Puree or 1/2 cup of Purple Puree (these recipes are from the 'Sneaky Chef' book). When I take out the veggie oil I also add the applesauce even if I am doing the peanut butter. It keeps them moist and adds a better flavor.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)