Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Searching for Nevin's voice

I can not believe my Nevin is going to be 4 this coming Monday. He has been such a little joy for our family, always the little joker trying to get a laugh. He is the kid who likes monsters, laughs at what Jerry does to Tom, comes out of his room in wacky outfits, pretends to be a ghost and will always find you if you are sad and give you a big hug and pat on the back. He loves his brothers but also knows exactly how to push their buttons and get them screaming. He is my animal lover, every dog is "my dog-dog", he watches birds, squats down to watch the cat slink around the house and has a big hug for Peanut every day. He is very smart but extremely strong willed. There are times he will not apply his smarts because it doesn't strike his fancy. It is Nevin's way or the highway. To know him is to love him.

When I was pregnant with Nevin I had a reacuring dream about him that always puzzled me until now. I started having this dream when I was about 8 months pregnant. We had moved into a new rental house and it was a stressful time with money, a very active almost 2 year old and baby on the way. The dream would start with me giving birth and the baby being whisked away. I would come into another room to find the nurse with the baby who had a cleft lip and a mouth full of teeth. She was pulling all of his teeth out and throwing them away. I was so shocked and demanded to know what was going on. She told me all his teeth needed to come out so they could fix his mouth. Then I would wake up.

I found this theory on teeth and dreams and thought it was fitting,
There are many theories about what teeth represent in a dream. Teeth can represent smiling and therefore could represent happiness or joy. They may also represent your sense of financial stability. Another meaning of teeth is communication. If your teeth fall out in your dream, consider if you’ve been having difficulty communicating with someone, if you’re having concerns about your financial stability (i.e. when your teeth which are normally a constant stable part of your body fall out, you are losing your sense of security and stability), or if something in your waking life has affected your happiness in a negative way (like losing your ability to smile/show your pearly whites).

I find the dream and this description fascinating. One thing all Nevin's speech therapist have said is that he sounds like a kid with a cleft palette. Kids can be born with a cleft on their soft palette in the back of the mouth but I have taken Nev to an ENT and that was ruled out. He has terrible teeth problems that I believe is related to his thyroid condition and it going untreated for so long. Our finances were very shaking at this time but we were also very excited about another baby. The obvious sign of communication problems.

Nevin has been in speech therapy for 2 years now and we have made amazing strides in his communication. The sad thing is most of you would still have lots of difficulty communicating with him. He can string out a whole sentence that I can understand and the rest of the room have no idea what he said. Every day he tries to communicate things that none of us can understand. That is where sign language and his iPad talker help. But then I remember he is 4 and he has so much more to offer, so many stories to tell, questions to ask and I get frustrated for him that he can't do that. No wonder we have melt downs, screaming fits and other behavior issues. When you have gone 4 years with very limited vocabulary you would be frustrated to. His two speech therapists work endlessly to help him and are so devoted to his success. These women are a true blessing. But it still seems there is a puzzle piece missing. We are all trying to find it. I am determined to keep hearing more and more of Nevin's voice each day and one day to have him speak fluidly. I can not let go of that hope for him and us as well.

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