If I stand

There's more that rises in the morning than the sun
And more that shines in the night than just the moon
There's more than just this fire here that keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger than this room

And there's a loyalty that's deeper than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing
Stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of all good things

So if I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
So if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home

And there's more that dances on the prairies than the wind
And more that pulses in the ocean than the tide
There's a love that's fiercer than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's when her baby's at her side

And there's a loyalty that's deeper than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes for the allegence
I owe only to the Giver of all good things

So if I stand let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home

So if I stand let me stand on the promise You will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home

And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for home

Just heard this song on JOYFM and it made me cry, it reminded me that if I did not have struggles here I would be way to content and never long for my real home.

Donuts

"Let's get donuts."

That is a phrase I hear come out of Skyler's mouth quite frequently. If Ryan is around it is usually followed by,

"That is what I am talking about."

They love donuts. Who doesn't love a good ol' fried piece of cake covered in gooey sauce though? I decided to whip up some homemade spice donuts today. Yummy.

Eating Out

We have had better weeks at the Stanley house but we have also had worse. I was pretty sick over the weekend and had to get some antibiotics to get me over the hump. Ryan had some job things not work out. Skyler got shots yesterday and has been whiny about it all day. Gavyn has not been himself the last day and half but good ol' Nev is doing fine.

This afternoon we were out doing some errands and on our way home Skyler asked if we could go to the park. I told him we would have to pass because we needed to get some lunch. It gave me the idea later in the afternoon that we should
pack our lunch up and take it to the park. I take the kids on picnics all the time but Ryan never gets to join us.

I made steamed broccoli, cheesey mashed potatoes and friend chicken. Wrapped everything up and put it into our little Stanley Clan food tote. Got the plates, silverware and water packed in another bag. We waited patiently for Ryan to get back from his meetings and off to Francis Park we went.

When we got there I wanted to get pictures of the fam and the boys had to make funny faces and
make dino noises! 'Everyone say Dinosaur!'

It was so nice to sit in the shade, listen to the
change of scenery for us during dinner.

The boys ate good and were excited to get down and explore the park. There was a small creek right by us and Skyler started building a dam with sticks and grass. Nevin chased the birds and followed his big brother around. Gavyn laid on his blanket and talked to Mommy, he loves being outside.

It was a good night to remember that even when we don't have a lot of money we can still get out of the house and have a lot of fun.

Adventures of RyDog and MandaBear

When I was a little girl, like most little girls, I had my life pretty well planned. I would meet the boy of my dreams, he would sweep me off of my feet, we would have tons of fun, get married, have more fun, buy a house, have a baby, get a dog, go on vacations, have another baby... Everything would be perfect, like a little box perfectly wrapped. My life did not exactly turn out that way.

I had a couple relationships that did not pan out, had lots of friends around me though. Finally my friend Ryan asked me out. We had been friends for 4 years and over the years we had become very close friends. I had been teased about him when we first met and everyone thought he would ask me out right away. For some reason though we were both looking in other places. When he did ask me out I had already made up my mind that I was going to take a break from the dating scene. I wanted to work on myself and clear my head. I was honestly not expecting him to ask me out and it threw my plan for a loop! I had to take some time to think about it. At first we kept hanging out and had an absolute blast! Finally I told him I wanted to take a few days of not seeing him to make up my mind. It only took 3 days for me to call him and decide to start a relationship. The first part of my Plan worked out perfectly. He was the guy of my dreams, we had tons of fun and before long were talking of marriage. My pet name was Manda Bear and we always joked that it was, MandaBear and RyDog adventures! Around this time my plan took a turn.

While talking about when the right time was to get married we found out I was pregnant with Skyler. The scariest part of it all was telling our parents and knowing the disappointment would be there. Both parents were very gracious and loving towards us and were excited that we still wanted to get married and keep the baby bundle. Neither of us wanted to wait until after the baby was born to get married and I really did not want to be big a pregnant on my wedding day. It was already the end of July and we took a look at the calendar. I had always wanted an outdoor wedding and the window of opportunity was small. We picked September 9th, 2005 and had exactly 6 weeks to plan the affair. I loved our wedding day. It was fun, colorful, different, perfect. It seemed like a fairy tale was starting.

Right after we got married there was a lot of job trouble for Ryan. It was a scary time of being out on our own, expecting a baby, freelance work and me working at Starbucks. We hung in there though, we had good support and made it through. Skyler Chase was born March 29th in our little apartment in St. Louis Hills. Our little family had started and it seemed like things were going to be really good. I was going to stay home with our little boy and Ryan was working at an office in West County. Unfortunately Ryan was let go from his job 3 months after Skyler was born and we were out of money. Our best option was to move in with my parents until he found I job. I told myself it would be 6 months tops.

My Plan took another turn. We ended up being for a year and half and while there got pregnant with our second baby. We knew that even without a full time job we needed to try to get our own place before the baby came. Ryan had lots of freelance work and things were getting steady but it was a leap of complete faith. We found a cute house in Maplewood and moved out December 1st. On February 6th Nevin Lucas arrived on the scene, born at the home in Maplewood. Shortly after our church hired Ryan has a part time freelance worker and finances were steady! We knew it was our time, God had been faithful and things were going to be great. We were saving money again and making our plans. Maybe things would get back on track. We decided to buy a house and found our wonderful little home in South City.

2009, I was determined to get my plan going. We were saving for vacation and looking for that dog. Maybe everything had happened in a different order but it was going to happen! In January we found our dog, Peanut, a black lap mix that fit in perfectly with our family. My little baby Nevin turned 1 in February and that little itch of baby fever was coming back. We went back and forth, back and forth on what to do. June 12th we got that positive pregnancy result! I was so excited, everything was really coming together. We looked at each other and told each other this was going to be the happiest year of our marriage.

Exactly a week later Ryan called me, the giving at church was down by so much that his part time freelance position was cut. I knew in my heart we were going to be OK but I was so mad at God. Why did he keep punishing us like this?

The last year has been amazingly bad and beyond good. Baby Gavyn was born February 19th at our home again. He has brought us so much joy and should not be here right now. He was a fighter after 19 days in the Hospital and beyond count ER visits and a second 4 day trip to the hospital. Every time I look at him I am reminded how blessed I am. My life has not turned out how I thought. It is not my plan. It was God's plan. I still get mad at him sometimes for all of our financial trouble but then I look at my house, I look at my boys, I look at my husband that works so hard and allows me to stay home and I realized that blessings are not counted in the bank but on how many faces you see every day. I get to see 4 beautiful faces every day that make me smile. My plan was a good plan but God's plan made me a strong woman that I would not have ever imagined I could be.

Fireworks

Last night my parents came over to watch Gavyn while Ryan and I took the Big Boys to see Fireworks at Webster Groves. We left the house a little after 8pm, as we are driving down Loughborough I get behind this van going about 20mph. Skyler is chatting to himself in the back when all the sudden he says, "Why are we going so slow?!"
"There is an old grandpa man in front of us," I respond (I know, I probably shouldn't say things like that)
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Can we crash into other cars?"
Always a good way to start a night out, banging the other cars out of our way.

We got parked fairly close and walked down to the big hill on Elm across from the school. It was fun to sit on the ground with the boys and watch the carnival rides and the lights. Nevin pushed the stroller around the hill. Skyler tried to sit in it and went barreling down the hill for a minute. We waited for about an hour for the show to start and got all settled in. Nevin sat on my lap and Skyler lounged on Ryan. The show was not very long but that was probably for the best. It was way past their bedtime and I could tell everyone was getting tired. They enjoyed watching the fireworks go, "BOOM! Sparkle!" as Skyler says. Most of the show I watched off the reflection of Nevin's eyes. They were both mesmerized.

Here's to a good Fourth of July!

Clean Less Play More

Since bringing Gavyn home from the hospital the second time, my Mom has been able to take Mondays and Fridays off from her job to come give me a hand. We normally do doctor appointments, grocery shopping and extra cleaning those days. This Monday though, our neighbors who are starting a cleaning company used our house as practice for FREE. It was totally awesome to go do all of my shopping that day with my Mom and come home to a freakishly clean house. This week it has been so nice to not have to worry about the bathroom getting out of hand or the kitchen going to pot, especially since I had some sick little boys on my hands. But, the days that they were not sick we got to play so much more! It really reminded me to not worry so much about those things and get on the floor and play with my little men while they still want me to.

Today was so great as well because all the shopping was done and all the cleaning. We hung out at my house until after lunch so the baby could get a good nap and I could do some piddly little things. Then we headed over to Francis Park for a few hours which is my new favorite place to take the kids. At first Skyler found a little boy about his age that was willing to play and they had a great time. Running up and down the play equipment, chasing each other around the swings, just doing what little boys do. Gavyn sat in the shade happy as could be with Grandma. Nevin climbed up on the biggest play equipment and just ran around and around.

When Sky's newest little friend had to leave 3 big boys (about 12-13) showed up at the playground with some bouncy balls. They planted themselves at the little kids play area since no one was over there and started throwing their ball. For some reason Skyler decided he wanted to join them at being their ball catcher! Totally not intimidated by these 3 rather large boys, just started running after the ball and trying to throw it back to them. I have to admit I was a bit nervous when I noticed him over by them but they were 3 well behaved boys who were really nice to the little guy. They wanted to know his name and were pretty encouraging when he would try to throw them the ball.
Eventually Nevin tired of our games and wanted to go check up with everyone else so we went and sat by Grandma. He watched Sky for a minute and then the big boys. All the sudden he got up, marched over to the play equipment, walked up the little stairs and just stood in the middle of these towering boys. They stopped rough housing and just looked down on him, not sure what to do. I went to go get him but he planted his feet as only Nevin can, put his arms to his side and looked at me like, "I got this Mom." I guess when your best buddy happens to be your 6 foot Uncle Matt these kids were not intimidating in the least for my little 2 1/2 foot toddler.