When I was a little girl, like most little girls, I had my life pretty well planned. I would meet the boy of my dreams, he would sweep me off of my feet, we would have tons of fun, get married, have more fun, buy a house, have a baby, get a dog, go on vacations, have another baby... Everything would be perfect, like a little box perfectly wrapped. My life did not exactly turn out that way.
I had a couple relationships that did not pan out, had lots of friends around me though. Finally my friend Ryan asked me out. We had been friends for 4 years and over the years we had become very close friends. I had been teased about him when we first met and everyone thought he would ask me out right away. For some reason though we were both looking in other places. When he did ask me out I had already made up my mind that I was going to take a break from the dating scene. I wanted to work on myself and clear my head. I was honestly not expecting him to ask me out and it threw my plan for a loop! I had to take some time to think about it. At first we kept hanging out and had an absolute blast! Finally I told him I wanted to take a few days of not seeing him to make up my mind. It only took 3 days for me to call him and decide to start a relationship. The first part of my Plan worked out perfectly. He was the guy of my dreams, we had tons of fun and before long were talking of marriage. My pet name was Manda Bear and we always joked that it was, MandaBear and RyDog adventures! Around this time my plan took a turn.
While talking about when the right time was to get married we found out I was pregnant with Skyler. The scariest part of it all was telling our parents and knowing the disappointment would be there. Both parents were very gracious and loving towards us and were excited that we still wanted to get married and keep the baby bundle. Neither of us wanted to wait until after the baby was born to get married and I really did not want to be big a pregnant on my wedding day. It was already the end of July and we took a look at the calendar. I had always wanted an outdoor wedding and the window of opportunity was small. We picked September 9th, 2005 and had exactly 6 weeks to plan the affair. I loved our wedding day. It was fun, colorful, different, perfect. It seemed like a fairy tale was starting.
Right after we got married there was a lot of job trouble for Ryan. It was a scary time of being out on our own, expecting a baby, freelance work and me working at Starbucks. We hung in there though, we had good support and made it through. Skyler Chase was born March 29th in our little apartment in St. Louis Hills. Our little family had started and it seemed like things were going to be really good. I was going to stay home with our little boy and Ryan was working at an office in West County. Unfortunately Ryan was let go from his job 3 months after Skyler was born and we were out of money. Our best option was to move in with my parents until he found I job. I told myself it would be 6 months tops.
My Plan took another turn. We ended up being for a year and half and while there got pregnant with our second baby. We knew that even without a full time job we needed to try to get our own place before the baby came. Ryan had lots of freelance work and things were getting steady but it was a leap of complete faith. We found a cute house in Maplewood and moved out December 1st. On February 6th Nevin Lucas arrived on the scene, born at the home in Maplewood. Shortly after our church hired Ryan has a part time freelance worker and finances were steady! We knew it was our time, God had been faithful and things were going to be great. We were saving money again and making our plans. Maybe things would get back on track. We decided to buy a house and found our wonderful little home in South City.
2009, I was determined to get my plan going. We were saving for vacation and looking for that dog. Maybe everything had happened in a different order but it was going to happen! In January we found our dog, Peanut, a black lap mix that fit in perfectly with our family. My little baby Nevin turned 1 in February and that little itch of baby fever was coming back. We went back and forth, back and forth on what to do. June 12th we got that positive pregnancy result! I was so excited, everything was really coming together. We looked at each other and told each other this was going to be the happiest year of our marriage.
Exactly a week later Ryan called me, the giving at church was down by so much that his part time freelance position was cut. I knew in my heart we were going to be OK but I was so mad at God. Why did he keep punishing us like this?
The last year has been amazingly bad and beyond good. Baby Gavyn was born February 19th at our home again. He has brought us so much joy and should not be here right now. He was a fighter after 19 days in the Hospital and beyond count ER visits and a second 4 day trip to the hospital. Every time I look at him I am reminded how blessed I am. My life has not turned out how I thought. It is not my plan. It was God's plan. I still get mad at him sometimes for all of our financial trouble but then I look at my house, I look at my boys, I look at my husband that works so hard and allows me to stay home and I realized that blessings are not counted in the bank but on how many faces you see every day. I get to see 4 beautiful faces every day that make me smile. My plan was a good plan but God's plan made me a strong woman that I would not have ever imagined I could be.
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