What a year

I am not going to lie, this has been the hardest year yet for the Stanley family. Each month (sometimes each week) seems to bring a new challenge to our family that we have to sort through and figure out. Yet, through it all, we have seen many blessings and miracles happen. It seems that most of our trials stemmed from Gavyn getting sick and ending up in the hospital. Yet, what blessings have come from Cardinal Glennon! He had a wonderful team of doctors and nurses there that cared for him and really did, "reveal the healing presence of God". If you read the history on the website there is a line that is so true, "Those who have come to know it well simply refer to it as "Glennon." They speak of the hospital as if they are talking about an old friend, and there's a warm feeling about the sound of that one word - "Glennon."" One of the many times we were at the ER a nurse started a conversation with my mom,
"Do you work here? You look so familiar."
"No, but we have lived here with one of our grandbabies that was so sick."
"Oh, I must have seen you then. Now you are just Glennon family."
Without the help of the doctors and nurses there I don't know where we would be right now! They are the ones who helped us get First Steps set up for Nevin and Gavyn. One of our other trials and blessings.

When we started First Steps with the boys we thought Nevin only needed Speech therapy and Gavyn would be the one needing much more. Without the wonderful team of therapists that we got hooked up with though we would have not known that Nevin needed help in so many areas. Nevin is such a sweet, fun loving, caring little boy that helps complete our family and whatever way he needs help we will get it for him, no matter the sacrifice. And my what the sacrifices have been! I read from Chambers this morning and one part of the devotion really stuck with me,
"An island in the sea may be but the top of a great mountain. Personality is like an island, we know nothing about the great depths underneath, consequently we cannot estimate ourselves." He goes on to talk about how God can though. That is how I feel most days. I can see the top of my peak but God keeps pulling the waters back to reveal more and more about myself. That I am stronger and can handle more than I would have ever thought. Never in a million years would I have used the word, 'Patient' to describe my personality. God saw something different though, that if I was made to work at it I could become that patient mother you see with 3 little boys. Nevin's speech delay has brought out the worst and best in me. I amaze myself sometimes at how I have come to communicate with him and teach him about communication. We are still trying to figure out all the pieces to Nevin. Some things are falling into place but somethings are still being figured out. He has seen a Neurologists, he is getting tests done, therapy each week... There are a lot of question marks for that little man but he is brave and strong and pushes through it with us each day.

My depression has come and gone a lot this year. My mom was able to take a leave from work early this year to help when Gavyn came home and before First Steps started. It was good timing for her to come and be with us every day. To help me figure out again how to be a mom on a daily basis after being away at the hospital for so long. I never had a normal life with 3 kids. There was never a normal adjustment. That time was the closest to a normal that we will probably ever feel. It was not long after she went back to work that our life started with OT, PT, ST, doc visits, neuro visits, neuro surg visits, preschool... It has been a hard road to hall and some days I just don't want to face the day. To try and figure out how to pay the bills and buy food. How to get Skyler to school on time and back in time for therapy. To try and have friends and not completely push everyone away from us. To learn how to watch other two-year-olds and babies develop and not compare my children and want to give up. To keep on keeping on with a plate that is past full. I have been blessed with a caring and compassionate husband that helps to bear the load, family who is always willing to help and friends who have come along side of me, walked with me, talked with me and cried with me.

God has always provided a way for us. There has always been enough work. There is always food on our table. Heat, water and light in our home. Extra money just when the car breaks down and sometimes from a random source that sent a check for just the amount we needed not knowing our car would break down. We have had people we don't even know be generous to us, giving money to a family member to pass to us, just because they wanted us to have it. Dropping money in our mail box to buy Christmas gifts for our kiddos. It never ceases to amaze me the ways that people can be generous. We could never thank them enough. And I pray that one day we will be able to do the same for someone else.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. There is always a blessing with a trail. You just have to keep having faith.